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[filed under life]Ohhhh my balls
Tray foolishly left me to fend for myself again last night.

Has she learnt nothing from all the previous times she left me alone? Doesn't eveyone know by now that I can't cope?

So, I got home and the cats greeted me yelping, "Food. Food. Now damn it. Food, you imbicile. Now. How can you be so stupid. Look at me, look into my eyes. Get me dry crunchy food or I will rip out your throat."

"Ha!" I laughed at them waving my opposable thumbs, "Bet you wish you had these puppies."

The cats enquired where Tray was. "Oh, out for the evening."

"Out?" They glanced nervously at each other.

"Yes!" I laughed a little too loud, "I'm sure I'll cope!"

Both cats backed away muttering about a prior engagement they had forgotten but now remembered. Then, like a flash, they were out of the house. "Ok!" I screamed after them, "Run you cowards!" But what I really wanted was for them to just come back and show me how the tin opener worked. I twisted and levered and opened some draws, then I slammed them shut in frustration and also used a pen knife. Eventually without breaking too much I made some muesli.

With that delicious meal in my belly and a feeling of caveman like supieriority (me man, man hunt muesli, man make muesli food, food good. arg) I went out on an adventure. What a great feeling! Free to go wherever I wanted!

I went down harbour to watch Jack (aged 10) do summersaults. Brilliant!

He did two. Then we went to the end of the harbour to watch lads. Jumping. Off stuff. Like I said. I took one wiff of the heady aroma they call adventure and I was gone.

With a bit of an audience, me, Jack Austin, two of Jacks mates and a couple of stragglers who were kind of following us, trying to be in our gang. Pah! No way man! Not our gang! (One of them was a fat American smoking a cigar, I think the other was his wife, or his brother.) Anyway, with a bit of an audience two of the lads decided they'd go up and jump Harbour Leap.

After 40 minutes of these two lads running up to the edge of the cliff, then stopping and peering over and looking worried, shouting down "How deep." and us shouting "Really deep. Jump already." One of them actually jumped!



Up he came, all was fine. "Argh! My fucking balls!" He cried in jubilation, "I think something has split." A triumphant message of bravery conquering fear.

It was Jacks tea time. My adventure was over. It was time to head home.
19th of June, 2006@8:02:19 PM
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